THE WAR OF THE WORLDS
by P.T. RINK
Summary: what happens when two geeks succesfully bug Hogwarts? Patric Rawten and Matt Gerbawlsky find themselves in a twisted bunch of trouble when Count Olaf (the Unfortunate Events series) reveals all to the rest of the world...
1. just the beginning

**Hi anyone who cares to read this; it _is_ my first in all. **

**I have invented some new spells just for fun, and some new characters to make this more interesting, but Harry and all the other characters are J. K. Rowling's, and I do not try to change them in any way from what it seems for now. (If that even makes sense) they are totally what they would be many years from now. (in my mind...muahahahaaa!)**

**This is a story about the war between Muggles and Magic from the view of the Muggles: Patrick Rawten, and Matt Gerbawlsky. It takes place after the death of Lord Voldemort, and long after book seven is _published,_ so it is a little far fetched, but bear with me.**

**You're already clicking the "Back" button on your internet window right about now right? Well please don't, this is my first and I neeeeed some Constructive criticism.**

**Some how, enjoy!**

**The War of the Worlds**

By P.T.RINK

Chapter One

**Just the Beginning**

A silver scarlet mist swirls through and around squishy armchairs and tea tables as the coals in a nearby fireplace glow orange. Shadows thrown from the almost dead fire dig dark crisscrossing lines of blackness through the red fog. Almost unnoticeably, a long and thin hand reaches down and places a pot of tea on one of the tables. The body of which the hand belongs to sits down, with much tinkling, and pours itself a cup of the steaming water. Another figure materializes out of the dark-red smoke and takes a seat opposite the first.

"It's nice of you to invite me to tea Professor," He said, reaching over to pour some for himself, "at two AM."

"I apologize headmaster," replied a soft misty voice," but one cannot predict what is to come by using a schedule- this is important."

"How so?" Dumbledore added some sugar to his cup. "Important enough to interrupt my rest during finals?"

"More important than _TAKING _the finals, more important than You-Know-Who," Trelawney took a sip of the Earl Grey. "_More important than the school budget_."

Dumbledore gasped. This was serious.

"This could be the end of everything," she put down her cup of tea, "of us, Hogwarts, Wizards, even Magic."

The Headmaster paused, "Well, tell me, what's going to happen?"

"It is not what will happen, but is happening: two muggles have succeeded in bugging Hogwarts."

"How? We've got more spells here than even the ministry of magic knows about." The usually strong voice of Dumbledore wavered as he placed his half-moon spectacles on the table next to his tea. "Sometimes even wizards can't find Hogwarts. And yet two muggles...?"

"Possibly the books sent out were too obvious?"

"No. we took too many precautions." He rubbed his eyes. "The spells on them were exactly what was needed. No one should have suspected it"

"They still found Hogwarts though"

"I know."

Pause.

"Can we dispose of them?"

"Yes, but we will need them later on. What they have learned, and will learn may become useful"

"Indeed."

There was a small POP from the fireplace.

"There's another thing." She whispered. Trelawney's hand shivered as she thought about this. "I had two visions tonight"

Dumbledore slowly looked up from his tea, his face looking old and wrinkled in the coals' red light.

"The second vision, involved the War. We have less than one year"

Dumbledore stood up, his tea cup spilling on the table as his cloak billowed around his tall form. The liquid dripped on the floor, staining the carpet by his feet.

Neither Professor noticed.

"Get me your owl, Professor Trelawney," His eyes glittered blood-red in the mist, "I need to contact J.K. Rowling."

...

Ring!

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

Click "Hello? Matt speaking"

"Hi matt!"

"Oh, long time no see Patrick"

"Yeah! Ok, I've got something that you should definitely see!"

"And what may that be? Pat?"

"I got a broomstick!"

"................"

"???"

"A broomstick?"

"Yeah!! You've got to come over to the lab and see it!!"

"Why the heck should I??"

"NO! I mean a _BROOMSTICK_! You know what I mean!"

"HOLY CRAP!! NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!!!! How'd you get it!!??"

"I can't say over the phone, too dangerous! But if you come to the lab right away, I can show you!"

click

Matt leaned back in his chair. Wow, a real broomstick! He looked over at his stack of the Harry Potter books, all seven. Who would have guessed that it was all real?

He got up, grabbed his coat, shoes and fished around his pockets for the car keys. His house was small and right for one person. A bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, a living room, and an office were all there was. He had to dash through all of them to get outside to the emerald-green Volkswagen Beetle that he received for a college graduation present from his family.

Matt Gerbawlsky worked at a small-but very quickly growing-company called LIZARD-Ware, where he built and tested experimental computer, robot, and electrical equipment. That was where he re-met Patrick Rawten. They had grown up together at school in the US, in Maine, and now they found each other in England at LIZARD-Ware.

Patrick was a strange and different kind of guy.

Patrick used to be the top secret #1 scientist of the SD (secret developments) Department of LIZARD-Ware, until he became obsessed, or more possessed, by Harry Potter. He would not stop reading them when they came out. Patrick's work started to slow because he started to conduct his own experiments. He also tried to steal equipment used in neutrino scanning, energy-warping, and even the nuclear-fusion reactor.

Besides all that, he had no fashion sense, liked Mexican food, watched cartoons, and lived a few blocks to the left of Matt's house.

Patrick was also the first person to rename the Harry Potter Series as NON_-FICTION_.

Matt turned left at the end of the driveway and into the street. Heart-pounding, he thought about the day that Patrick had told him that Harry Potter actually did live and was currently at Hogwarts, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. About how there was an actual Dumbledore, a Hogwarts teaching magic to kids, a Diagon Ally, even the Ministry of Magic existed too. He had said all this during a coffee break in a hushed voice to Matt, who immediately thought he was seriously joking. But Matt's view turned around when Patrick had shown him proof: a newspaper-clipping from the Daily Prophet, moving pictures and all.

He had picked it up from a brown-cloaked man walking in an alleyway that had dropped it, and disappeared behind a trashcan. Patrick had walked by; trying to follow the man to ask for directions, but saw something moving that had caught his attention. And he picked up the paper.

Ever since then, Matt and Patrick allied together to decipher all the hints, clues, and directions as to where all of the places in the books were.

And they all existed.

Well, to the exception that they where not where they were in the books. Obviously for some reasons J. K. Rowling had to move some stuff around from reality. For example there wasn't a Platform Nine and Three-Quarters; it was actually Platform Eleven and Forty-Four Sixty-Sevenths.

Matt pulled up the driveway to a light blue house with a half-mown lawn. The garage-door was open with Patrick's Segway "parked" in the center beside a rusty Toyota truck. He opened the door, got out, grabbed his suitcase from the back seat, took a deep breath, and marched up to Patrick's door. There was music playing inside.

Matt knocked on the door.

Matt knocked on the door again, the music changed tracks to "Bad to the Bone" inside.

Matt knocked on the door one last time.

This time the music quieted down, and he heard movement inside. He toyed with the idea of looking in one of the windows.

"Come in! Come in!" called Patrick's muffled voice behind the music. Matt sighed and opened the door, pushing aside some boxes with his foot as he peered inside.

Pat's house was a mess.

Which was odd because usually it was quite clean, of the two, Matt was the messy one. His organization was terrible. But this looked like a train wreck in the middle of a tornado while a riot was going on; there was stuff everywhere. Books, CD's, pens, pencils, a lava lamp, a few boxes of Lego's, playing cards, Moshi pillows, plates, and, oddly enough, a car engine.

"I'm down in the lab!!" Pat's voice sounded again, from a door at the end of a hallway littered with papers, boxes, computer parts, and Lego's. Matt jumped between all the things to the door, and opened it.

"_Bad to the bone! Bubububububububaaaaaaaid! Bubububububububububububububububububaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!!!!!!"_ blasted through the open door into his face. Matt's slightly gelled hair withstood amazingly. He crept down the stairs into the basement.

"PATRICK!!!!???"

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!"

"YEAH!!???"

"BUBUBUBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!"

"SHUT OFF THE MUSIC!!!!!!!!"

"OKAY!!!!!!!!"

"BUBUBUBUBUBUBUBUBUBUBU-!!!!!"

click awwwwwww! Matt clambered down and looked around at the slightly familiar space around him.

The lab was basically a basement with desks and tables all over the place with humming computers, lasers, scanning devices, all moving, spinning, flashing, or glowing. On the wall were multiple plasma screens of the world, England, and the US. All GPS, all with little special glowing dots on them marking the locations of Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic, Gringotts, you name it. One of the dots was constantly moving, every twenty seconds it would appear on a different part of England; it was the current locations of the Knight Bus.

Near the back computer console sat a table with various objects on it like the Daily Prophet clipping, a pointed hat, some Knuts, silver Sickles and one gold Galleon, even a few intercepted owl letters. Everything had a tag on it like they were some evidence in court. But there was no Pat.

"Patrick? Where are you?"

"Up!"

Matt looked at the ceiling and found Patrick. He was wearing a tie dyed t-shirt with a pink flamingo jacket and smiley-face lounge pants. The weird thing was that he was floating there on a gleaming-new broomstick, with the most devilish-evil grin on his face.

"I decided to get a lift in life."

Matt couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a joke or not but either way he laughed, with great joy and excitement. A _broomstick_, a_ real_ broomstick! Right out of the books themselves! And there was Pat, on it. He laughed and laughed, Patrick joined in too, laughing.

"How in the world did you steal it!?!?!" he asked when they finally stopped.

Patrick looked flabbergasted "I did not merely steal it" he put on an 'I'm an angel' face, "I bought it!"

"From who?"

"Well ordered it really," he got down from the ceiling and handed the sparkling thing to Matt. "I caught an owl and attached an order form to it with some money about three hours ago."

Matt stroked the broomstick; it was a Nimbus Two-Thousand-and-One.

"I wasn't actually sure that it would work, especially because the owl; already had a letter attached to it anyways, but I guess the bird transported both."

"How did you afford a Nimbus? In the books they were rare and really expensive!"

"Oh, it's like computers, new ones keep coming out every year that have faster and faster speeds, forcing the old models to lower their prices. Can you believe that this only cost about fifty bucks!? ("NO!") It was the Firebolt that made the Nimbus prices plummet drastically. Once they came out, the Nimbuses got cheap enough for anyone to buy."

"No way," Matt was still looking at the thing like it was a new Lamborghini. "Can_ I_ get one?"

"Sure! "Patrick sat down in one of the roll chairs, "I've subscribed to the Daily Prophet too! So you can get almost anything now!"

"Do you think that they will ever find out?"

"Who? The Magic World? Naaah! Remember these modified neutrino scanners I got from NASCORP?" Patrick gestured at the spinning miniature radar dishes spinning around on a table. "They act just as well as Mad-Eye Moody's foe-glass! I'll see anything magic coming for twelve hundred miles!"

Matt sat on the handle letting him float a foot above the ground, "Good, because I wouldn't be able to stand having my mind wiped of all this," he did a few circles in mid-air, playing around with it. "If we're caught, man I sound like a bad little kid saying that, but if we're caught," he caught Pat's eye, "I'll kill myself- this is so awesome!"

They giggled like kids opening Christmas presents; 20 year-old kids fresh out of college.

Little did they know that this was just the beginning.


	2. the duo goes trio

Chapter Two

**The Duo Goes Trio**

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"That Count Olaf escaped from the V.F.D. center!"

"THE Count Olaf??"

Matt nodded.

"With the Baudelaire's?"

Matt nodded again.

"And the Snicket fires?"

Matt nodded one more time. "Yar! He escaped from the Vicious Freaky Detention center! Last night!"

Three weeks later after the buying of the broomsticks, it was lunch break at LIZARD-Ware. Matt was telling Patrick about the newest news in the muggle-world; Patrick had been sticking to the Daily Prophet constantly, and not to the ordinary stuff. So Matt decided that it would be time to start filling him in.

"I'm filling you in, because you're not paying enough attention to the rest of the world, we've also got a new technician that signed up this morning"

"Who?" Pat murmured through a chicken-salad sandwich.

But his answer came quickly enough.

crackle"Dr. Gerbawlsky," said a female voice in a speaker on the wall, "and #1 Rawten, please report to main office. Dr. Floncouta is waiting."

Patrick looked at Matt. "Why do they want me too?"

"I think he's assigned to your department," Matt got up, "well, better not keep him waiting, bring the sandwich if you want, I don't care."

Matt grabbed his suitcase and walked to the automatically opening doors out of the cafeterium to the stairs with Patrick close behind chomping on his lunch. They spiraled down three flights before Pat noticed something out the window into the main office. He grabbed Matt's shirt to stop him. He pointed out the window.

"Do you see what I see?" his voice excited.

At first Matt didn't, and then he did. The main office was a white marbled place with pens chained to the desks and everything, security camera's everywhere, the works of cool sleek security. But Matt looked past all that to the Dr. Floncouta sitting in one of the chairs reading a magazine.

"Is that-_HIM?_

Dr. Floncouta was tall, skinny, and intimidating. His silver and black hair was greased back to make it appear like he tried to kiss a fan that was on. His shiny, evil eyes glistened as they jumped all over the page. But the thing that got the two young scientists was the one Eyebrow that bobbed up and down as he read articles that made him either unhappy, or angry.

Patrick leaned and slid down the wall, hands on his forehead, laughing his pants off.

"I can't believe this, I simply _can't_ believe this!"

"Count Olaf-here!?" Matt was completely baffled.

"This--is--so--GREAT!!" Patrick was laughing hysterically now. "The Count Olaf! Himself, here! In LIZARD-Ware!"

"I don't believe this!"

"YOU don't believe this!?"

Matt looked down at the new disguise that Olaf was wearing now; a white trench coat with sowed on pockets white army boots with white socks on, even his jeans were white.

Patrick was heaving with silent laughter. "Oh—my—god!"

"We need to turn him in. Now."

"Why?"

Matt turned in disbelief as to what Patrick had just said. "HELLO! We have an Escaped Mass Murderer in the front main office of LIZARD-Ware! Let the police take him!"

"We can't." Pat rubbed his eyes.

"WHAT?"

"We have no proof."

"LOOK HE'S RIGHT THERE!!!!" Matt pointed down at the man who was taking and unwrapping all the mints in the candy dishes and eating them.

"That's not enough proof"

"I can see his ONE EYEBROW!" Matt pointed at his own two.

"So?"

"...!!!"

Matt sighed; "Fine!" he turned to pick up his fallen suitcase "We better go meet him then."

Pat stood up and continued eating his chicken sandwich as they tromped down the stairs. They stopped as Matt peered through the door window.

"Is he still there?"

"You know we could just call up security now and have this over with."

"Come on." Pat pushed past Matt, opened the door and walked over to Dr. Floncouta who looked up, his greasy hair glistening. "Yo! I'm #1 Rawten! I'll be your supervisor Dr.--?"

Count Olaf's voice came wheezy and terribly evil sounding. "Floncouta, Dr. Floncouta is my name and I will only be referred to as Dr. Floncouta! I arrived this very morning on the train." Dr. Floncouta stood up and shook Patrick's hand who winced at the strong, cold and greasy grip the new guy had. "A very pleasure to meet you sir!"

"And meet Dr. Gerbawlsky!" Floncouta held out his hand to shake Matt's too, he eyed the dirt under Olaf's fingernails with fear but shook it anyways, their hands making odd squelching noises. "We're gonna give you the grand tour!"

"It is a pleasure, Doctor, to meet you!" Matt forced out a smile though his quenched up face from the smell. Did Olaf keep cabbage in his shirt or something?

Patrick wiped his hands off on his pants after which he regretted immediately. It left a dark stain that took him the next eight weeks to wash out. "Let's get started then, with my place: The SD Department!"

And with that Patrick lead Count Olaf—Dr. Floncouta to the Secret Developments Department, leaving Matt there to think, which he did.

I need some broomstick-time, he thought, and he walked outside.

...

"And here is the particle-accelerator, where we speed up atomic-sized bits of stuff and crash them into each other! The next room is where Matt Gerbawlsky works. They test out and build new ideas, like the brand new Mechanical Silly--Putty we call it. Supposed to be good for using in building architecture..." Patrick's mind raced as he led this imposter around the most secret and important makings of LIZARD-Ware. Where should I put him? Why does he want to be here? How can I get evidence that this is him? When will he hatch whatever evil plan that he always has up his sleeve? Or is he seriously turning over a new leaf?

Pat looked back at the strolling figure who, with his arms behind his back, was taking in every detail with a grim/murderous fascination. This was not good. Maybe he can operate an ordinary computer console? Sorting data perhaps? NO WAY! He could wreak havoc through the network doing that.

A couple of scientists walked by from the computer-parts manufacturing section. Pat looked inside the door; boxes and boxes piled high from the ground, boxes rolling on conveyor belts, boxes being stamped by people in blue coats, lots of boxes. But not a good place to put a dangerous villain. He only needed to stall Dr. Floncouta for a couple days, not give him large blunt objects to smash into things.

Patrick laughed at that thought.

What was he thinking? This was the perfect place to put him for a while. How much damage could one do with cardboard? There wasn't even anything_ in_ the boxes!

"Uuuuh, Count—I mean Dr Floncouta," Patrick turned from the doorway. "May I see your resume? You don't have any preferences as to where you work? Do you?"

"No I do not, but I would rather not do anything that involves cutting wood, climbing mountains, wild animals, leeches, ships, reptiles, or surgery." Floncouta handed him the yellow piece of paper. "Ordinary labor would be nice" he added with a devilish grin showing his crooked yellow teeth, something brown was stuck between two of his front incisors.

"Ah—ha." Patrick averted his gaze to the paper, it wasn't even filled out. "Ok you're hired!" he handed Floncouta the paper back. "You're gonna be moving boxes! You can start tomorrow!" pat gestured into the room, and Olaf peeked in, his face sneering.

"O...........k."

"Here's your schedule, an anti-rad smock...thing, and goggles." Patrick piled the stuff onto the tall thin man. "See you tomorrow!"

And with that Patrick bounced away, leaving Dr. Floncouta standing there like a confused Popsicle. He watched #1 Rawten go for a dangerous moment, then he angrily stuffed everything into a white spray-painted doctor medical bag he had with him.

He thus followed Patrick down the hall.

...

"Professor Potter? May I interrupt?"

Harry turned from the chalkboard covered in pictures and diagrams of dangerous snakes to the door where Severus Snape was. Half of the class turned in their seats to see who it was. They were all second years.

"Yes?"

"Um, could you see me in the hall for a moment?"

The young Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher put down his chalk and traveled around to the other side of the room. "This will only take one minute class, NO funny stuff! I'll be back to explain the Basilisk in a moment" and he left.

Out in the hall Snape quickly told Harry about the news.

"Olaf is back!" he whispered, "he escaped last night and has turned up in area 51, right on top of the two M.D.M.A's, the Most Dangerous Muggles Alive!"

"Shhhhhhhhhh! I know what it means! I was at the meeting! But we better keep quiet or the students..."

"I know, but this is a situation that needs your expertise! Immediately! If he's not stopped, then this will be the third time that he's ever tried to release our world to the general public!" he paused to let that sink in. "Potter, he's going to find the lab, and once he does he'll have all the evidence he needs to reveal all."

"Can it wait until after class?"

"No, you need to leave now! Headmaster gave me, by his own personal suggestion, permission to finish the rest of your classes today.

"Fine! Whose house is it? Gerbawlsky's or Rawten's?"

"Rawten's, but one more thing, don't let the M.D.M.A.'s see you, because then the Ministry will butt in and clean their brains of everything, and you know that."

"Sure, sure, sure Professor Snape, just let me grab my broomstick and ill be gone."

Professor Potter ran halfway down the nearest stairs before calling back.

"The day's schedule is in the top right-hand drawer, Snape! Good luck!"

"Good luck Potter. Once again the world is in your hands; don't drop it—this time."

...

"What the heck is he doing?! MATT! NOT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!"

Matt looked down from where he was floating. There, was the distant super-structure of LIZARD-Ware, all large and rectangular with the occasional spherical blob here and there, large pipes and moving machines pumped out steam in large clusters in the middle. And way down near the overfull parking-lot stood the tiny hopping body of Patrick. Even at this distance away you could see how much his clothes clashed.

"GET DOWN!! GET _DOOOOWWWWWWWN_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled, but Matt stayed where he was, about three hundred meters above him. A breeze played across his face comfortingly.

"Awwwwwwwwwww! Now this is perfect!" he flipped over ignoring the shouts below.

"YOU'RE GONNA BE SEEN!!!!!!! ARE YOU MAD MATT!?!?!?!?!"

"Yes." He swayed the broomstick playfully.

"GET DOWN!!....FROM THERE!!!! Aw crap! Matt's gonna ruin everything!" he shook his head. "FINE, he's asking for it."

Patrick reached into his back pocket and pulled out a slingshot.

"OK, OK! I WAS ONLY JOKING AROUND!!" Matt floated down seeing the projectile weapon. "Jeeze! I was only getting some relaxation time!"

"Yeah, well you could soon have been attacked by a helicopter or something, or even worse you could have been seen!"

But he had been seen. Count Olaf's shiny eyes reflected them walking away through the glass doors twice. His face split into a mad-smile like a dull knife cutting burnt meat. "Oh you've been seen, my friend, you've been seen... and you'll be seeing more of me too I'm sorry to say..." He muttered to himself and then slinked away to the cafeterium for some roast beef.


	3. infiltration of the Lab

Chapter Three

**Infiltration of the Lab**

Later that night in the lab...

"Ok! Here goes...."

PHZZZZZ! Crackle.

"Nope, then let's increase the frequency of that knob...whatever it does, um."

"This one? It accelerates the chemical-reaction time of the laser-oil!"

"Sure, give it a couple clicks."

"Turns."

"Whatever, two clicks to the left."

Matt hesitantly turned the knob sideways and the humming noise grew twice in volume, which wasn't too loud. The clock read ten-thirty on the wall, Matt and Patrick were attempting to conduct an experiment. Pat was huddled over a long, glass tube with a piece of wood inside with many wires attached to it. He pushed a button, and a very faint green gas filled the chamber with a quick _PSSST! _ The humming grew louder. Then he pulled some goggles over his eyes, motioning for Matt to do the same. When that was finished, he grabbed a small wired control-box and backed away.

"All right Matt! Release the charged electrons!" roared Patrick over the hum of all the machines.

Matt reached over and turned another knob, a stolen Van De Graf Generator belt started to spin along its tracks, into the glass tube and back out again. Little sparks flecked the inside as the electromagnetic machine fed it more power.

"Ok I'm going to activate the fake human neuron transmitters!" Patrick grinned as he punched a few buttons on the control-box in his hand. A manic glint was in his eye, this is MAGIC!

A computer console blinked in alarm, PROXIMIDY ALERT: MASSIVE MAGIC SOURCE HAS BREACHED OUTER PERIMITER! ALERT WILL SHUT DOWN IN THIRTY SECONDS! A loud beep noise sounded from the computer but no one heard it over the loud machines that Pat and Matt were working on.

"Come on! Another forty seconds!" Patrick gritted his teeth as he leaned over the glass tube. "This is gonna work, TONIGHT!!!!!"

Suddenly, with a loud hissing noise and a gross burning smell, a wire inside the tube glowed red and half blew up, filling the tube with smoke. Pat threw off his goggles in horror and jabbed the ABORT button.

"NOOOO! NO! NO! NOOO!!!"

Matt took off his goggles and stood up. "Patrick, it's late, look at the clock, its quarter after eleven. I'm gonna go 'cuz I need my rest for work tomorrow. We can try making the Wand again tomorrow night."

Pat was pretending to sob all over the smoke-filled-glass-tunnel, the unused static electricity in the machine made his hair stand up. Matt yawned.

"Or maybe ill just sleep on your couch upstairs. I don't even think I have the energy to drive home." He rubbed his eyes. "You don't mind do you?"

"SURE, FINE, GOAHEAD!!!!!!"

Matt rolled his eyes and climbed up the stairs.

...

A long, black car with the headlights turned off pulled up to a driveway past a mailbox of a crow with a sign on it saying "Rotten Rawten Residence-feed mail to crow". The car stopped as a dark purple cloak slid around the corner unnoticed and a tall man with a black, disgusting-looking tuxedo got out. He leaned down to speak to the driver as he straightened his tie.

"If they get me, then you know what to do. I'll try to steal, something."

"Kay Boss."

The car backed out, turned and drove away, the headlights flickering on as it rounded a corner. An arm with a hook on it instead of a hand waved back.

Count Olaf grinned in a way that would have made The Queen pee her pants. He wheeled around to face the building. All the lights were off, and no sound was to be heard from inside. He walked up to a window, pushed it open, and slipped inside over the windowsill, no locks? Wow this was too easy. He didn't notice a dark shadow in the bushes shift sideways into the cover of the trees.

Inside he stopped and crouched; there was steady quiet breathing coming from the other end of the room. Heart pounding, he waited ten minutes, finally convinced that whoever that someone was, was asleep on the couch. Olaf tip-toed to the far away hall door into the cellar, he didn't even see the front door open and close silently behind him.

On the other side of the door he closed and locked it, now it was safe to turn on the lights. He flicked the switch and an amazing sight that would have made most famous scientists babble in confusion, surprise, and ecstasy met his eyes.

He grinned evilly as he stepped slowly down the stairs madly grasping his hands in delight. Harry Potter posters on the walls, little action figures of Harry, Ron and Hermione littered the floor. Empty bags of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans lay in the trash. Various other novelties littered the place, but that's not what made Count Olaf cackle in pleasure. He was looking at all the computer screens and machines whirring, spinning and moving. The maps on the walls with the moving dots on them, the tube of glass had been emptied of all smoke and gas inside. But he glided away from that to the table with all the artifacts on display.

"Well, well, well." He whispered. "What do we have here?"

Then all of a sudden he spun around at the sound of the hallway door handle rattling. His eyes narrowed as his pupils dilated in fear, it was a good thing he had locked the door, but now he had no way out. Unless...

He left the table and crept up the stairs on all fours, listening, and ready to either pounce or jump away, he slipped a pistol out of his inside-chest pocket.

"_Alohomora!"_

NO! It was _them_! He darted down the stairs as the door burst open and a wizard in a black cat suit leapt in after him, want raised and ready.

"_STUPEFY!"_

A red beam blasted down and missed Olaf's hair by mere millimeters singeing it as the spell zipped down and ricocheted off the walls finally burning out in midair. He hid behind a table of spinning miniature radar dishes.

"No you idiot! We can't wake the muggles!" came another voice from down the hall. "Stun him! STUN HIM!!"

The man jumped and landed like a cat on the floor, searching the room for Olaf. There was movement by the glass tube—

"_STUPEFY!!"_

But Olaf was ready; he jumped up with a silver mirror in his hands, deflecting the spell back at the Wizard, exploding on his head. He flew back and hit the wall with a grunt and slid to the ground.

"HAH!" Olaf shouted.

"_ACCIO MIRROR!"_

The mirror flew out of Olaf's clutches and was caught by a Witch in another black suit. Harry Potter dropped a silvery cloak to the ground as he and three other Wizards pointed their wands at the Count's head, chest, and arms; as if to blow any of these off if he dared try anything.

"Don't you dare try anything, Count Olaf," Harry said. "Or we may just have to blow one of your limbs off."

Olaf raised his hands above his head, grinning. He still had the gun in his hand, and the wizards didn't know what it was. Even Harry must have forgotten what a gun looked like after all those years.

"Tonks, help Mr. Longbottom up, (_Ennervate!)_ and Olaf, you're coming with us, this time to Azkaban."

"What!?" Count Olaf didn't move, grinning, "Is that all?"

Harry hesitated "What do you mean? 'Is that all'?"

"I can't come quietly, it's not in. I need to go off with a _BANG!"_ and with that he fired the gun into the ceiling, dust falling like a snowstorm. In the confusion he dived sideways behind some consoles.

Upstairs, Matt woke up with a start; he had been dreaming pleasantly about flying his broomstick to mars when he woke to loud noises. He blinked in the darkness, gunshots came to mind. Then he heard muffled shouting and explosions going on downstairs.

"Oh it's just Patrick again—"

Then he heard more than one voice, and none of them were Patrick's.

"HE'S GOT A GUN!! STOP HIDING YOU NASTY BUGGER!!"

"GET BACK HERE!! _STUPEFY_! (BOOM!) _STUPEFY_! (BOOM!) _STUPEFY_!!" (BOOM!)

"NEVER!!" BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!

A bullet shot through Matt's pillow where his head had been resting a few moments before, letting a small yellow beam of light spread out from the lab below. He jumped out, "PATRICK!! OLAF IS DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!" he ran into Pat's bedroom and pulled the pillow off his face. "Olaf and some Wizards are fighting downstairs!"

"What!?" Pat blinked stupidly. "But I haven't finished my Salmon Tart yet!"

"Wake up stupid! This is real!" he flicked on the lights as more gunshots rang downstairs. "There's a war going on in the lab!"

"What!?" Patrick said again as Matt ran off. "In the lab?" he got out of his sheets, still in his nightgown he threw on a robe and followed Matt down the hall who was opening the door, a long sliver of light spread down the hall to Patrick's face, temporarily blinding him.

"GET BACK HERE!" ("NO!" BLAM!!) "_RICTUSEMPRA!!_"

The sliver of yellow light went red as another explosion sounded down below.

"GOT HIM!!"

"FINALLY!!"

"YEAH!!"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! We'll wake the muggles!"

"Oh right..."

Matt poked an eye through the door crack; three wizards in black were standing around an oddly familiar third in a purple cloak who had round glasses and black untidy crazed hair--.

Matt gasped. "Harry Potter!?!?" Oops went his brain as they all turned towards him with faces white as snow. He immediately knew this was a mistake.

"They're awake and here!! GET THEM!!" shouted Harry pointing his wand. The three wizards jumped up the stairs to get to Matt, who closed the door behind his back. Thud—thud—thud! They all hit the door. But Matt held it shut. Patrick just stood there, frozen and staring, either not awake, or very afraid.

"Did you say _Harry Potter_!?!?"

"_Eccsplofracta!"_

Suddenly the door blew up into a million pieces, splinters, and dust. Matt fell backwards into one of the wizard's arms who held him there firmly. "Yes I did!! He's in there!!"

"Stupid muggle! Now the ministry will be here! Time for a memory charm!" the guy holding him there raised his wand. "_Obblivi_—"

"No!"

"Stop squirming! It'll be over in a heartbeat! _Obli_--!"

"NO!!!" Matt jumped up and burst through the man's grip. He ran down the hall pushing Patrick ahead of him (hey!), the last thing wanted was to forget all about the magic world. He dashed to the front door and pulled it open to meet a blast of icy-cold air that froze his insides all the way to his soul, and the scene that met his eyes was almost just as bad.

Three long black cars had pulled up to the curb. Getting out of each of them were at least a dozen witches and wizards. They advanced slowly to the house. The moon came out of the clouds and lit up the uncut grass, casting eerie moving shadows all over the place. He didn't hear the movement inside the house behind him. Even the shadows were moving towards him, the feelings of warmth and happiness drained from his body.

"Oh crap, they even brought Dementors!" whispered a panicked voice behind him, one of the wizards'.

"I—I don't see them!"

"Of course you can't! You're a Muggle!—idiot!" he added.

Matt gave a strangled little gag as the bodiless shadows came closer. One black splotch came off the grass up to the front steps, the wizard behind him stepped back. Then came the sucking rattling noise. Gosh, he thought, this was much worse than he had imagined it, and then Matt fainted and twitched on the ground.

"Get those monsters out of here!" yelled Harry to one of the officials coming. He was shouting out the window. Patrick shivered as he wondered when the neighbors would wake up. "We got Olaf unconscious in the cellar! So we're fine!"

The Wizard who had been pursuing Matt grabbed his lifeless form around the waist and dragged him to the couch that was still covered in feathers from the shot pillow. One of the Ministry of Magic officials walked in as Patrick went to the couch to check on Matt.

Harry was furious.

"What are you still doing here?" He waved his smoking wand in the Wizards face. "We've caught the Count, and we're fine! It's all taken care of!"

Matt woke up just in time to see Patrick stand up and hear the Wizard say to Harry: "I'm not here for Olaf, I'm here for these two muggles!!" he pointed at Patrick and Matt, who fainted again.

Down in the cellar, Olaf regained his consciousness, and looked up at the black—masked, and distracted Wizard standing above him who was listening to the muffled argument above. He silently reached over and picked up a CD marked—TOP SECRET: ALL INFO ON MAGIC BACKUP DISC, and slid it into his coat pocket. He tried to crawl away, but the wizard saw him move.

"Nice try Olaf! _STUPEFY_!! (Thump!) You're not gettin away on my shift!"


	4. don't mess with the best

Chapter Four

**Don't Mess With the Best**

"Mister Disintagrat, I do believe that we have everything under control."

"Didn't I just tell you? I'm not here for Olaf! These two Muggles have been frightfully aware of the Wizarding World for over a year and a half! I must take them to the Ministry for questioning."

Matt woke up this time very slowly. When the words finally came from his ears to his brain he tried to faint one last time. This was unbelievable! Besides the utter horror of the possibility of forgetting everything he had found out about the Magic World, the mere thought of Harry Potter and a Ministry Official arguing about his fate in Patrick's house was the coolest thing he could imagine...wow.

"Oh and then you're probably going to wipe his brain of everything aren't you?" Matt saw Harry's eyes narrow at the nodding Wizard who seemed to be named Disintagrat. "Without even knowing the whole story?"

"Well, I do believe, or the Accidental Reversal Squad believes that we--."

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ALMOST DID!" Harry roared. His reputation for losing his temper and bellowing out his thoughts seemed to have stayed with him outside the books. "THOSE TWO ARE RESPONSIBLE, OR WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR SAVING THE WIZARD WORLD FROM—uh—EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What do you mean, Potter?" Disintagrat, Patrick, and Matt were really confused now too. Harry had to wipe a bit of spit from his chin as he gestured down to the end of the hall.

"Matt, Patrick, please lead Zack to the Lab, I'd like him to see what you have been up to..."

Patrick retightened his bathrobe and waved his hand to the door, he was completely flattered to be showing the very people that he spied on the equipment he used. Matt stood up, still a little lightheaded, and followed the rest downstairs.

Once in the lab they could see the real damage that had been done during the "war" that had gone on down there. And to their great surprise there was—none. Amazingly, they looked at all the scorch marks on the walls and ceiling, but no equipment had been touched. Everything was just as electrically happy as it had been before. Zack Disintagrat was looking around in amazement.

"My Lord!" he said, eyes popping. "This is worse than I ever imagined!"

In the light, Patrick could look at Zack more closely, because he was never mentioned in the books, he didn't know what he looked like. He had a small thin face, parted white flecked brown hair, thin eyebrows, and he stood slightly taller than Harry who spun around to face him in anger.

"_Worse_ than you've ever imagined!?!?!?"

"Yes indeed, we'll need to blow the place up at once!"

"NO WAY!! Matt, tell us what that thing does." He pointed at the spinning radar dishes. Matt looked very anxious, his eyes darted to Patrick who shrugged. Harry brandished his wand at him, his green eyes flashing. "Go ahead, its fine!" he said dangerously.

"Umm, these d—dishes." Matt started, "They have a rotating Neutrino scanning amplifier so that when the Divine Proportion Frequency Code is programmed into this computer," He pushed a few buttons." it will detect massive Proton and Electron bursts that have the specific wavelength to magic within a twelve hundred mile radius." He finished with a sign of pleasant satisfaction on his face; Patrick gave him a thumbs-up.

"Yes, indeed, the magic proportion amplifie—WHAT?"

"In English then."Matt grinned at Mr. Disintegrates confusion. "These dishes detect any magic going on within a twelve-hundred-mile distance from this point." He pointed at the ground. "In the records here it has the exact times of everyone entering the radius to within a second of it happening—or whatever. You know what I mean."

"So, basically magic radar?" Harry asked.

"Yeah you could call it that." Patrick said he clearly wanted to show them something now too by the way his legs were dancing on the floor. One of the shorter Wizards must have noticed for they pointed at the map. "What's that?"

"THIS!" yelled Patrick as he spun around to touch the wall behind him. "Is our most _prized_ piece of work!" Matt rolled his eyes. "_This_ took months of work, thinking and... work!"

"No it didn't!" Matt shook his head. "We got the idea right out of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! Remember?"

Patrick looked like the candy had been stolen right out of his baby carriage. "Yeah I know..."

"Wait!" one of the Wizards in Black piped up, they had taken off their mask and had walked over to examine the trashcan full of candy bags. By the look of his red hair it could only be Ron Weasly. Patrick gasped in recognition. "You figured out a way to Spy on us using one of the _original books_?" Ron looked back at him puzzlingly.

"Yeah." Matt grabbed the Goblet of Fire and opened it, "page 548, second paragraph down, Hermione says it... 'All those substitutes for magic they use – electricity, computers, and radar, and all those things – they all go haywire around Hogwarts, there's too much magic in the air. No Rita's been...' —bla blab la bla and on like that." He shut the orange book with a _snap!_ "Our Idea was, if we find out where the Electrical equipment goes crazy for no scientific reason, then we'll know that that's where the magic is! We took satellite Photos of England, and Europe, and we found—"

"Hogwarts?" Zack asked

"No. Nothing, at first, then we took a live video feed from the GVS, newly installed last year, and we saw this." He put a blurry photograph of the top view of some mountains and a couple lakes on the screen of the computer.

"What's that prove?"

"Hold on a sec! I'm getting to the good part, ok we tried all sorts of different filters, first the reverse color, then darkening, lighting, after that we got into the more impressive—uh—filters, Radiation, Ultraviolet, and Gamma rays. But we still got nothing. So we gave up for a couple of days."

"On the third day," Patrick continued, "I decided to cool off down here in the lab, it was mid August, and I wanted to play a very old game by the name of Half Life 2. While I was blowing up some Aliens, I saw the picture out of the corner of my eye, every once in a while I saw a black shape appear on it, it was very creepy alone down there that day. But eventually near the end of beating the Final boss for the third time, I had concluded that the Picture was hiding something within the Frame rate."

"What? What is Frame rate?" Tonks asked she had turned her face back to the ordinary skin color; because of her ability to change appearance, she didn't need a mask. Brilliant, thought Matt, totally cool! We've got Tonks here too!

"The computer screen, on a computer most of the time shows sixty frames per second," Matt helped. "Basically seeing sixty pictures flipping by your face all at once, making the impression of something moving."

"Anyways," Patrick continued, determined to keep this _his_ story, "I then slowed the frame rate of this computer to a mere two frames per second. Giving me this!" he pushed enter and the picture remained the same except for a black sort of hole that looked to have been ripped from the picture. It was oddly square and shaped like—

"Hogwarts," Patrick grinned "'they all go haywire around Hogwarts, too much magic in the air.'-- Every 42 frames there was a black outline of Hogwarts burned into the digital film due to all the magic. It was in plain sight, and even mentioned in the books. And we had found it! All those Anti-Muggle spells shone like a beacon and we had found it!" Patrick finished with a dramatic sort of bow, Matt rolled his eyes.

"Impressive," said, who could only be, Neville Longbottom, "and you found all this by yourselves?"

"Yup!" Matt and Patrick shouted in unison.

"You see Zack," Harry had calmed down a bit. "We can't erase everything they know because we're gonna need the information only they know."

"For what, may I ask?"

Harry paused, thinking very hard about something, and then he swelled in courage as he prepared to tell the Ministry Official the truth, it wasn't supposed to start like this, he thought, or was it? "The War is coming, Mr. Disintagrat."

Zack's reaction was far from what he had imagined. "What war? We just recently got rid of You—Know—Who! Oops sorry, correct me, YOU did" he said pointing at Harry.

"No, not that one." Harry's face went so serious that Matt thought he would start frothing at the mouth again. "This is a bigger war, _the_ war, this mother of all fights, the BIG BANG, the one war predicted for centuries to eventually come—"

Suddenly Zack understood, his face went white in cold horror, "not, _not The Awakening, Potter_!?!?!?" he stumbled back into the glass tube which shattered; shards fell to the floor, bouncing around. Nobody noticed or cared, except for Patrick who winced as his machine fell to pieces.

Harry advanced on the shivering Ministry Official. "Yes Zack, The Awakening, the war over Muggles and Magic."

"No, no not this soon!!" he was looking around at the faces of everyone else there. "We're too outnumbered!"

Harry's face was now an inch from his. "Not yet we aren't, that's why we need _them_!" he pointed his finger at Matt and Patrick like a sword, or a large cleaver. "Those two are not the only two to have discovered us, imagine what the CIA of the U.S. has discovered, Count Olaf, you remember _Artemis Fowl_? Just one little _ten—year—old_ was a fiasco!!"

Harry looked a bit dangerous with his wand digging into Mr. Disintegrat's forehead. "We have to face the facts Zack! We can't hide anymore! It's getting easier to be seen with all this new Muggle technology popping up all over the place! Someone's going to release this on the Internet! Then the News!" His hands clasped around Zack's throat "Then the World powers are going to go Medieval on us. _IN FULL FORCE_!!!" he gave a little squeeze.

The Official's eyes bulged, and he made some strangled sort of burpy sounds, Harry noticed that he had gotten his point across and let go, Zack stumbled away clutching neck and gasping for breath. Patrick wasn't sure about liking Harry Potter so much anymore; this was getting kind of violent.

"Our only hope is to gather our knowledge now," Harry was calming down a bit now. "And try to make as little amount of casualty for either side as possible, see Olaf here?" he jerked his head at the dirtily—clad man on the floor behind him. "Almost started the war a week early, if we hadn't caught him—"

"WHAT!! ONE WEEK!!"

"Yes, one week Disintagrat, one stupid, stinking, slimy—"

"WEEK!?!? SEVEN DAYS?"

"Well six actually—"

"_SIX!!!!!!!!! _MY _LORD_!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF ON THE SPOT!!"

He made a wild grab for his wand and pointed it at his forehead, but—

"_Accio wand_!" Kingsley Shacklebolt got to it first. "You can't kill yourself...yet Zack."

He looked even shakier at this. "One week, that's how long we have until the Awaken—waaaiiiiiiiit..." his eyes looked around suspiciously, "how do you _know_ it's gonna happen in one week, how do you know that it's gonna happen _at all_?

Harry's face lost a little bit of color, how did he know? Matt wondered, surely Harry Potter couldn't have mastered Divination?

"Professor Trelawney predicted it." He said simply. "Down to the minute that the first bullet would be fired, exactly five-forty-two PM, next Tuesday."

Then Zack did something that made Patrick's head whirl, he laughed. He completely dumped everything that Harry had just told him! He erupted into a fit of oddly high-pitched giggles that really didn't suit him, as if this was all a sick joke played on him.

"There's no need to make any more of this up, Potter!" he said when he finally stopped laughing. "I knew from the moment you said 'Trelawney' that you were kidding, not _that_ old fraud! There's no way that anything she said could be true!! I remember taking her classes when _I_ was at Hogwarts; I was the one in my time that she kept on saying The Grimm!! The _Grimmmmmmmmm_!! But I never died. HAH! Not one thing came out of _that_ witch's mouth that actually happened. The Awakening indeed... good_ joke_ Harry, convinced me well!"

They all gazed horrorstruck at Zack as he told one of the Accidental Reversal Squad members to grab Olaf and bring him into the cars outside. They couldn't bring themselves to say anything when he started to lead/drag Matt and Patrick upstairs too. And they couldn't even stop gawking at him when he waved goodbye, still going on about the 'joke'. He chuckled all the way upstairs.

Neville started to drool as they heard the three black cars start up their engines and drive off into the night. Finally Kingsley regained his senses. He broke through what felt like an invisible wall of spider webs strong as leather.

"Oh crap! The Bafflement charm! Wake up everyone!"

No one moved, or they actually swayed on the spot as if they were all slightly drunk with frozen expressions of confused surprise, Shacklebolt seemed to be the only one strong enough to resist it. Spit dripped from Longbottom's mouth onto the floor making gross plopping noises.

"OH that's enough!" Kingsley waved his wand in a spiral above his head. "_Gitsomcommunsence_!" and a shockwave of red energy burst from the tip of his wand creating a sphere that expanded to the edges of the room, hitting everyone and waking them up. Neville wiped his mouth on his mask.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!! THEY GOT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry ran up the stairs four at a time. "I'm gonna _kill_ ZACK!!!!!"

"Harry," Tonks tripped him with a well placed Leg-Locker, "we can't get them back now, let's just Apparate straight to the Ministry from here!"

"No we _can't_ just Apparate—"

"Yes we can," Luna Lovegood pulled off her mask dreamily. "You got to remember that we're _not at Hogwarts anymore_!"

"Oh yeaaaah..."

Ron shook his head, "let's just meet them there, when they get to the Ministry, we can grab the two M.D.M.A.'s, Tonks can make a portkey, and we'll dash out! Easy enough?"

...

Patrick woke up in the dark. In the dark with Zack's very pointy wand pointing straight at his face.

"Don't you try anything."

Patrick let his eyes adjust to the unlit interior of where he was. Judging by the gentle rocking of his seat and the quiet hum of an engine, he figured that he was in one of the Ministry cars. This was odd, he thought, because it was just like being in a limo, only with a limo the outside is not as big as a station wagon, and the inside doesn't have six rows of seats. He was in the last seat, and Mr. Disintagrat was in the one opposite him, facing the back. Pat risked a look around and got a nasty shock when he saw Olaf's crooked teeth grinning at him like a broken piano in the darkness to his left, _Olaf_ was awake. Matt was still Baffled to Pat's right, blinking dazedly and swaying on the spot, but he too was slowly waking up.

"Now none of you even _think_ of escaping!" Came Zack's voice from directly in front of Patrick. "Or I'll freeze your brain on the spot!" his wand was still pointed directly at Pat's forehead.

"Aaaaaw, graff!" Matt stretched as his tired muscles woke up from the Bafflement charm. "Why are we driving? Or where?"

"I'm taking you all to St. Mungo's for a quick Veritaserum test and then full blown Mind Wipe! No more Awakening crap!"

Then, taking them all by surprise, Count Olaf spoke, his cabbage—breath oozed all over them. "I don't think that that will work...again Mr. Disintagrat." He said his voice full of malicious laughter.

"Oh and why not?"

"We've already tried over twenty times on me..." his grin extended to his eyebrows. "I keep on breaking the charm! It just doesn't work on me." The Count started to fiddle with something in his pants pocket, where Zack couldn't see.

"We'll see about that Olaf! I know a certain new spell that Digs into the brain and finds specific things to disintegrate—_permanently_. Like actual brain cells."

Matt gulped. Ouch, they were going to go into his head and BURN everything out? He didn't like that. Patrick got the sudden urge to escape through the car window. All Matt wanted to do was wake up in the morning to the light coming through the windows of his house.

He sort of got his wish when the car at the front of the line exploded into a gigantic fireball, blinding their eyes that had so recently been adjusted to the dark with white light.


End file.
